


A Coyote and a Diary

by yummycrummy



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: M/M, Spooky stuff happens at the base, helmetparty - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:28:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26586625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yummycrummy/pseuds/yummycrummy
Summary: A strange creature starts to cause trouble around the base, and the team wants to get to the bottom of stopping it.
Relationships: Engineer/Soldier (Team Fortress 2), Sniper/Spy (Team Fortress 2)
Kudos: 8





	A Coyote and a Diary

**Author's Note:**

> This is old as hell, just like the other ff I did hfhskfd I'm just dumping my old tf2 fanfics here im sorry, I dont wanna lose them

\---------------

Dear Diary,

Today I found out that I kinda like my best friend. He's a fantastic guy, but I can never say that. He'll find out that I'm soft and kind. Anyways, I don't know when I'll tell him, but I will eventually! I can't stop thinking about him. His smile is so cute and his eyes...I've only ever seen them once, but boy, are they pretty. So green and gorgeous...good god, I could go on forever about them, so I will! They-

"Oo! What's that you're writin' there, Sol?" Engineer asked, peering over Soldier's shoulder with a curious smile.

Soldier gasped and whipped his head around, before slamming the page to his book shut, eyes large behind his helmet. "No! Don't look!"

"Oh!" Engineer stepped back, giving his friend personal space. "I'm awfully sorry, Solly. I didn't mean 'ta spy on you. No pun intended." The hardhat chuckled nervously. "Ya mind if I take a looks-y?"

"Wh-Why would you want to do that?" Soldier snapped, his voice sounding more fearful than angry.

"Well, I'm curious! You draw, don'tcha?"

"...Yes.." Soldier muttered, gripping his book tightly. "But you CAN'T look in it!"

Engineer looked disappointed as he nodded in understanding. "Okay. I didn't mean to push ya. Just wanted to see your drawings."

Soldier 'hmmfed' to himself and turned back around, feeling his heart start to slow down. He heard Engineer walk out and felt the pressure of being caught fade. That was a close one...

\- - - - -

Later that evening, everyone was gathered at the dinner table, eating the fried shrimp and mushrooms Demo had made for them. As things were winding down, Scout was going off on a long rant about how baseball is better than hockey, Engineer quietly slipped out to head for his working room. He liked being around the team but he needed a break once in a while. It got too much.

As he passed the 'Man Cave', he stopped, noticing something red out of the corner of his eye on the coffee table. Walking closer, he squinted his eyes through his goggles and saw that it was a little book. A large 'S' was imprinted on the front and 'MY DIARY, NO PEEKING' was also on it.

Engineer couldn't help himself. He knew he wasn't a nosy person, but, oh boy, he really wanted to see his friend's funny doodles. Soldier rarely ever let him see what he drew in his notebooks, so now was the perfect time! 

The hardhat man quietly walked around the couch and picked up the red diary with both hands. He opened it and began to skim through some pages, stopping at a few when he saw Soldier's little drawings. A raccoon in a top hat with a cane, doing a funny dance.

Cute. Also kind of weird.

He fingered through some more pages, chuckling to himself at some other doodles, before he stopped on one particular page that happened to capture his eyes. His amused grin slowly morphed into a confused look as he read the words out loud to himself.

Like my best friend...????

Engineer could feel his eyes widen as he continued to read the rest of the paragraphs. Heat slowly rose to his face and into his cheeks as he registered this new info. Solly liked him? What? For how long? Is that why he hasn't let him look at his diary in a while?

He suddenly heard a creak from the floorboards and snapped his head around, the book still clutched in his hands. Engineer saw Soldier standing in the doorway, his body stiff and unmoving. He could see his eyes from under his helmet, and they were huge. Shocked. Appalled.

Soldier gawked at his friend in silence, his mouth open but no words coming out. He could feel tears welling in his eyes as he felt his face burn in shame.

Engineer stuttered as he looked down at the diary that he still held and back up to his friend, realizing what he had just done. "N-No, wait, Solly, I..!"

He couldn't finish his next sentence, as Soldier then bolted off down the hallway, leaving him all alone in their Man Cave, too shocked to move. Engineer sighed and tucked the diary in his front pocket, making his own way out of the room and heading down the hall for Soldier's bedroom. He really hated himself now. Why did he have to always be the mom and snoop?!

\------

Soldier sat on the edge of his bed, his helmet tucked low on his face as he sniffled quietly to himself. He growled and wished he could just dissapear forever. Why had he left his book in their Man Cave?! He knew he was stupid, but not THAT stupid!

He rubbed at his eyes angrily with his hand, hating that he was acting so childish. So what if Engie had read his diary? Atleast he finally knew...

That thought made him feel the embarrassment rise in him again, and Soldier groaned. He was such a dumbass.

Knock Knock Knock!

"WHO'S THERE?" He cried, not looking at his door as he continued to glare at the floor. Engineer's voice could be heard from the other side, and he winced.

"Uh..it's me. May I come in?"

"No."

Engineer sighed, hanging his head. "Please, Solly. I'm sorry. Just let me say it to your face."

A few moments of silence passed, and he almost considered to leave, but the door then opened, and Soldier stepped aside to let him come inside. He did, nervously. Soldier closed his door and stood to face his friend, his hands wringing the end of his jacket as he avoided Engineer's apologetic look.

"What do you want?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"I just wanted 'ta say that I'm..well, I'm sorry that I read your diary." Engineer scratched the back of his neck, taking out his friend's book from his overalls pocket and holding it out for him. "Here."

Soldier stared at his diary, mouth agape slightly. His frown seemed to waver as he grabbed it from him, uttering a soft, "thank you" In response.

"What you said in it, about...you likin' me," Engineer began, his voice hesitant and questioning but still gentle. "Why haven't ya ever told me?"

Soldier placed his diary on his nightstand and turned to Engie. He fidgeted uncomfortably, and Engineer could see his face turning red again from under his helmet.

"I don't know." He finally said, shrugging. "I never knew what to say to you, Engie. You're..you're so smart. And I'm so...dumb." He trailed off, looking lost in thought.

Engineer's expression softened. "Oh, no, Sol, don't think like that. You ain't dumb. Why, I think you're the most imaginative person I know." He gave him a kind, loving grin. Soldier smiled back in return, although it was only for a second.

"What you said in your little diary, I found it rather sweet, y'know?" Engineer walked closer to the taller man, putting his hands in his pockets.

"You..think so?" Soldier asked, his voice so unnaturally gentle and quiet.

"Sure do." Engineer blushed again, his smile now bashful. "What you said about my eyes was really nice."

"Oh. You're welcome." Soldier blushed as well, nodding his head slowly, still unsure of what exactly he should say next. He fiddled with his hands anxiously as he looked at the ground. "Uh, umm, Engie?"

"Hm? Yeah, Solly?" Engineer asked, looking up at him curiously.

"You're-you're a fine teammate. And I respect you lots." Soldier began, unable to keep his voice from fumbling. "And, and I-I've liked you for awhile. You probably don't, and that's alright with me! Because love cannot be forced, so if you do not like me in return then that's-!"

Engineer suddenly grabbed him gently by the shoulders and leaned up on his tippy-toes to press his mouth against his in a sudden kiss. Soldier's mind went completely blank. He melted against Engie's touch and kissed back, having waited for his moment for a long, long time.

Engineer on the other hand, had FIREWORKS bursting in his own head. He had kissed girls (and one boy) back in his prime days, but this was a magical one. All his other kisses had been beautiful and amazing, but one with someone who liked him back, he felt that it was more than just a kiss. It was pure joy.

He broke the kiss, (reluctantly) and stepped back, his face a deep crimson. Soldier stared down at him in lovestruck awe, his helmet pushed up so that his eyes were visible. He closed his mouth, and then, it morphed into the biggest, most happiest grin that he always had for when he was happy.

He grabbed Engineer into a tight hug, swinging them both around as he laughed uproariously. "HAHAHA! Oh! I can't believe it! You like me! Engineer, you actually like me!"

"H-Heheh, why wouldn't I?!" Engineer laughed, holding onto his new mate for dear life in fear that he would crash to the ground. "Can ya let me down please? I'm gettin' a bit lightheaded!"

"Oh! Yes, of course!" Soldier chuckled nervously and placed Engineer back down onto his feet. He tipped his helmet down and sighed, sounding relieved. "God, I'm so relieved. I...thought you would've hated me."

"Huh?" Engineer rubbed at his sides as he looked at Soldier in confusion. "Why would I hate you, Sol?"

"Because I'm gay." Soldier said, frowning sadly. "Not many people like gays."

Engineer felt his own sadness tear through his heart at Soldier's true words. He nodded. "Yeah..but that's their problem. I like ya, Solly, and us bein' together ain't nobody's buisness but our own! Ya hear me?"

Soldier stared at him in shock, blushing faintly. "R-Right!" He exclaimed, grinning. "No homophobic maggot is gonna rip us apart!"

"You know it!" Engineer slapped him on the back approvingly. He then tilted his head up to kiss the smiling man on the cheek. Soldier froze, turning his head to stare into Engineer's goggles. He could make out his green eyes through them. Even through the glass, he could see the love in them clearly.

"I love ya, Sol." Engineer said sweetly.

"I love you too Dell." Soldier smiled warmly again, kissing him on his nose.

Engineer chuckled and hugged him gently. "So when should we tell the others?" He asked suddenly.

"Tomorrow."

He quirked an eyebrow. "You sure?"

"Absolutely!" Soldier gave him a perverted grin. "Because we'll be busy tonight."

Engineer flushed a bright red. "SOLLY!" He laughed again, having to double over as he broke into a wheezing fit. "Oh, god! That was so unexpected! Ha hah haha ha!!"

Soldier giggled and gave his hardhat a noogie. "I'm just messing with you, sweetheart." He pulled Engie in for a side hug as he finally stopped laughing his butt off. "Now gimme another smooch!"

"Sure thing." And he did. 💖

\-------

\-- A Year Later --

"Aye, you're cheating again, boy!" Demoman glared across the table at Scout, who was looking down at his cards with a cheeky grin.

"Am not! You're cheatin'!" Scout protested, his cocky demeanour slipping only a little. "You're blind 'cause ya only have one eye!"

"Hey! That ain't true!"

"Yeah it is!"

A sudden cough could be heard from the 'MAN CAVE' doorway. Both mercenaries looked up to see Heavy, a sandvich on a plate in his meaty hand, with a displeased look upon his face.

"Your shouting is making Doktor angry." He said, annoyance in his voice.

"Oh, yeah?" Scout snorted. "Tell him he can go back to playin' with his birdies."

"Scout..." Demoman muttered under his breath, his one eye trained on the boy.

Heavy picked up his sandvich and took a big bite. Swallowing, he said, "If you make more noise Doktor will do 'special' experiment on you."

"I ain't scared of him."

"You vill be after vhat he did before."

Scout winced, remembering when Medic had placed one of his own birds inside of him. He grimaced, giving a shaky thumbs up. "Al-alright, no more noise."

"Good." Heavy walked off, a satisfied smile on his face.

Demo turned to Scout, who looked terribly shaken up. "That's what happens when you act like a smartass, boyo."

"Ah, shut up." Scout half-joked, picking up his cards and stacking them in a row. "Best two outta three?"

"Mkay."

As they continued to play, a thunderous sound could be heard from outside. The front door of the base swung open and a loud, commanding but panicked voice could be heard, hollering, "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!"

Scout and Demo quickly snapped to attention, rising from their seats and facing the doorway as Soldier rushed in. Both men stared in confused shock.

"Aye! What's th' matter, Solly?" Demoman asked, hurrying to his friend's side in worry. "You look like you've seen a bloody ghost!"

Soldier grasped Demo's shoulders for support as he took in deep breaths. "It-It's terrible! Oh, god!"

"What? What happened?!" Scout placed a hand on the older man's shoulder, skepticism written on his face. "C'mon man, tell us!"

"It's- it's- it's the RACCOONS!" Soldier bellowed loudly, tears streaming from under his helmet. "THEY'RE GONE!"

"Eh...what? Whaddya mean they're gone? Did they just take off outta nowhere or somethin?" Scout asked, looking at Demo as he said this.

"I don't know! I went out to feed them and they were just GONE!" Soldier sobbed, falling to his knees and hugging Demoman's legs, his body shuddering with each pitiful cry.

Demoman patted Soldier's helmet reassuringly, his tone worried and soft. "It'll be alright Sol, just take it easy. Maybe they jus' had 'ta run around for a little while."

"No! They- they've betrayed me for good!" Soldier cried, shoving his face into Demo's legs again, his tears never ending. "I'VE BEEN A TERRIBLE FATHER!"

"Jesus christ.." Scout facepalmed, feeling a headache coming on. "Soldier! Calm down! They're just raccoons! They belong in the wild!"

"THEY WERE NOT JUST 'RACCOONS', SON!" Soldier grabbed Scout by his collar angrily, giving him a deathglare with his teary eyes full of sorrow. "THEY WERE FAMILY!"

Scout struggled to shove him away but couldn't. Soldier continued to sob, "You don't know what it's like to be a father of sixteen, Scout! You JUST DON'T KNOW!"

"Alright, alright!" Demoman gently pulled Scout away from Soldier's grasp and placed both his hands on his friend's shoulders. "Take a deep breath Solly. In and out." He instructed this by doing the movements. Once, twice, and a third time. "Now you try."

Soldier's breaths were shaky as he did as Demo said, trying to settle his heaving lungs down.

"There we go. Now, where's Engie? Was he with ya?" The usually drunken but now sober man asked.

"N-no. He's working on his sentries." Soldier rubbed the tears off his face with his arm.

"Hm. Well, why don't you go 'an help him while me and Scout here go and look for your raccoons?" Demoman suggested with a hopeful grin, ignoring Scout's surprised and angry glare.

"You'd do that, Demo?" Soldier said gleefully, his bright and wide smile returning.

"Of course, lad! What're friends for, yah?"

"THANK YOU!!"

The two men gave each other a big manly but lovable hug. Scout crossed his arms and huffed, pouting. "I didn't say I wanted to help, ya know."

"That's too bad, son. You're gonna find my raccoons or you'll do ten THOUSAND laps!" Soldier rounded on him, his face set into a hard stern scowl.

"Ppshh! I can do that in my sleep! EASY!" Scout bragged with a smirk, puffing his chest out.

"In your underwear." Soldier finished, grinning at Scout's flabbergasted expression.

"WHAT?" The cocky speedster screeched. "NO FREAKIN' WAY!"

"THEN FIND MY RACCOONS, MAGGOT!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

Demoman laughed and pulled Scout along, giving Soldier a friendly wave goodbye. "C'mon, Scoot! We got a little trip ahead of us!"

"Damnit." Scout grumbled to himself, trudging alongside the sober man.

\-------

"Doktor, Pirate Man and Leetle Scout have quieted down." Heavy said as he entered Medic's lab.

"Ja, good, good. I do not need their obnoxious loud voices to be messing with my experiments!" Medic hastily was putting together some sort of owl/bird head together. So far, it looked absolutely hideous.

"What are you making?" Heavy asked, looking down at the creepy object in Medic's hands.

"Oh, it is a morph of a bird and an owl mixed together!" Medic gave him an excited grin. "Vhat do you think?"

"Scary." The sandvich lover said truthfully.

"True, yes. It looks very morbid, but it is SCIENCE. And science is never a normal thing to witness!" The doctor proudly exclaimed, continuing to stitch the bird and owl heads together. "Hand me zat wire, vill you?"

\------

"Bushman, what're we doing out here again?" Spy annoyingly said, following close behind Sniper as the two walked through the thick snow coated forest.

"Lookin' for wolves! Back home, I hardly ever got to see 'em. Now that it's winter, it's my chance!" Sniper smiled to himself, his rifle loaded in his hands.

Spy glared at him from the back.  
"So why bring me along?"

"'Cause I thought you'd loike to see one too." Sniper said, giving him a backwards look.

"Please, if I wanted to walk in the forest with you, you could of just asked instead of dragging me out here." Spy huffed on his cigarette with an eyeroll.

Sniper chuckled. "Well, this is a date as well, don't you think?"

"Hmm, maybe." Spy smirked at him, his voice teasing. "Is the wolves all you wanted me to see?"

"Heh. Maybe~" Sniper turned around and grabbed Spy lightly around the waist, pulling him backwards until he hit the front of a large tree.

Spy's cigarette fell from his mouth as he held onto Sniper's shoulders, his cheeks and nose tinted red as he looked into the Australian's eyes behind his shades. "My my, such forwardness. When did you get ze balls, Mister Bushman?"

Sniper leaned in close and touched their noses together, grinning. "When I met you, obviously."

"Shut up and kiss me." Spy playfully said, and Sniper did, rough at first but it slowly resolved into a gentle kiss. They both smooched there for a bit, and the occasional nip at the neck and the tongue wrestle, until a thick and spine-chilling sound ripped through the air.

Sniper broke the kiss first, his head leaning back in surprise. "The bloody hell?"

"What was zat?" Spy asked, his eyes wide and a bit worried looking.

"I dunno. Sounded kinda like a coyote, though."

"You know what a coyote sounds like?"

"'Course. I've heard one on TV before. C'mon, let's head on back." Sniper grabbed Spy by the hand and began hurrying down the snow sloped path.

"Getting scared by a little dog?" Spy couldn't help but ask teasingly.

"It ain't no 'little' dog, Spook! It's bigger than a wolf! Now get your feet moving or else we'll be food!"

The two hurried down the pathway and into the clearing where the base was waiting for them. Spy nearly stumbled trying to catch up with Sniper with his long legs but managed to hurry. They both ran into the base's door and closed it behind them, breathing heavily.

"Shouldn't of dragged me along." Spy gasped, giving his BF a lazy smirk.

"Oh be quiet, you." Sniper laughed, still feeling very uneasy and lightheaded from their near death experience.

\------

"HELLO ENGIE!" Soldier shouted, walking into Engineer's workshop with a happy pep in his step.

"Hey there Sol! You're lookin' mighty cheerful today." Engineer leaned back in his seat as Soldier pecked him on his cheek.

"I am! I'm very happy!"

Engineer smiled, warmth in his chest. "How come?"

"My raccoons took off this morning and I was heartbroken, but Demo and Scout are going to look for them! So I have no reason to be sad anymore!" Soldier crossed his arms and nodded pleasingly.

"Your raccoons took off?" Engineer frowned. "That ain't good. I hope they'll find 'em."

"They will!" Soldier said, suddenly furious sounding. "Otherwise Scout will PAY!"

"Why Scout?" Engie asked. "He didn't make your little critters run off, did he?"

"I...don't know." Soldier suddenly paused, thinking over the question. "It doesn't matter!" He continued, "they WILL find my raccoons!"

"I'm sure, Sol. C'mere." Engineer patted his lap.

"Why?" Soldier asked, furrowing his eyebrows. The last time he had sat on Engie's lap he had gotten tickled. And I mean TICKLED. He had pissed himself so much that Sniper had saved most of it for his next Piss Throw.

"'Cause you still seem really tense. I wanna give you a massage." Engineer said, ushering his boyfriend over with his hand. Soldier giddily complied and gently took a seat on his lap, making sure not to hurt him. Engineer began to gently but firmly loosen his back and shoulder muscles.

"Ooooooh, damn..that feels great." Soldier moaned, closing his eyes as he felt the earlier tension of his missing babies weight slightly off his conscious. "You're a miracle worker with those hands, Dell."

"Oh, really?" Engineer smiled at the compliment. "I'm pretty good with my mouth too."

"What do you mean by that?"

Engineer paused, forgetting that Soldier could be a bit dense with innuendos. He chuckled. "Nothin'. Forget I said that. How're you feelin' now?"

"Like I could ride an eagle! An American eagle!" Soldier cried with enthusiasm, pumping a fist.

"Great!" Engineer smiled, giving his BF's shoulders one last tug before putting his hands back down onto his lap. "Alrighty then, there ya go."

"Thanks Engie." Soldier rolled his shoulders, hearing a satisfying 'crack!'. "Ahhhh."

"Heheh. You know, if you ever want to give me a massage, then I'm all for it." Engineer leaned back in his chair as Soldier stood up.

"Affirmative! Would you like one right now?"

"Wha- uh," Engineer stammered, not expecting the response. "Why, sure! Why not? I could use a break anyway."

Soldier cracked his knuckles and approached his BF. "I'll be gentle!"

"I know you will, Sol." Engineer smiled with a shake of his head and turned around in his chair.

(Well that is a bit weird out of context)

\--------

"Thank you." Spy said as he took the cup of tea from the Australian. The two were in the kitchen, having an early mealtime.

"No prob Spook." Sniper sat down in front of him, his own cup of hand in hand. "So..." He began, tapping the table with one fingerless hand.

"What?" Spy asked, one eyebrow quirked as he drank his tea.

"About what happened out in the woods.."

"The howl we heard? Is zat what you mean?"

"Yeah! That wasn't no ordinary coyote howl, Spy." Sniper said, clutching his drink a little too hard. "I thought it was at first but now that I think back, it..it was somethin' else."

Spy was confused yet intrigued. "Perhaps you are just being more paranoid than usual, and zat it was just a lone wolf?"

"Oh come on, you heard it too! Don't tell me you thought it sounded weird." Sniper cried, hoping his BF would believe him enough.

Spy sighed deeply. "I don't know what to zink, Sniper. Honestly, just try and forget about it, it was nothing we need to concern ourselves with." He took another sip of his tea. "We need to focus on more important tasks. Like fighting the BLU's."

"Yeah, yeah. They're the least of my worries right now." Sniper grumbled, pushing his cup aside and taking his rifle out from under the table. "I'm goin' to scope out the area near the woods. See if I find that bugger myself."

"You are being influenced by your own paranoia, dear." Spy tried to reason with the stubborn man, sighing and shaking his head.

"Paranoia or not, I wanna find it!" Sniper got up from the table and gave Spy's cheek a quick kiss before hurrying out the back door.

Frowning in worry, Spy watched him run off from the window. He felt a bit uneasy, seeing him trek off, but knew that Sniper could handle himself well. He knew it.

\-------  
Shits gonna happen  
\--------

"We've been out here for hours, Demo, when can we go back?!" Scout complained loudly, shivering in the cold dusty air of the woods.

Demo gripped his stickygun tighter in his hands to try and warm himself. "We can't go back yet, lad. We haven't found Solly's raccoons."

"Screw the raccoons! I just wanna sit near a frickin' fireplace and sleep for the rest of the day!" Scout angrily said, turning around. "You're on your own, Cyclops!"

"Aye, Scoot, c'mon, boyo...do ya really wanna run a thousand laps like Sol said?" Demo paused. "And in yah underpanties?"

"I don't give a crap! He'll have to make me!" Scout started heading down the path, feeling pretty sure of himself. Demo watched him walk off with a cocky stride until he felt a strange, bad gut feeling take over him. He looked off to the side when his eye caught something and felt his blood freeze in his veins.

"S-s-Sc..Scout.."

"Ugh, what now?!" Scout whipped around to face the Scott, his anger turning to confusion as he saw the terrified look on Demo's face. He turned to the left to see where he was looking and froze.

A huge, burly brown, furry hairy beast was standing upright just a few hundred feet away from them, sniffing the air. Both mercenaries couldn't tell if it was just a big wolf. It suddenly sniffed the air a bit more harshly and snapped its beastly head in their direction.

"HOLY SHIT! RUN!" Scout shrieked, already bolting down the snowy path, Demo following VERY close behind in panicked breaths.

The beast was on their tail, growling and snapping it's disgusting drooling jaw as it chased after them. As it was about to take a chunk out of the back of Demo's foot, a sharp loud piercing noise ripped through the air and into it's giant shoulder, making it roar in pain and collapse to the snow dusted floor.

Meanwhile, Scout and Demo had finally made it into the clearing near the base, and were panting and sweating despite the snow. As they reached the doors, they stopped to catch their breath.

"Wha- What the FUCK was that thing?!" Scout gasped, hunched over on his knees.

"I-I dunnae, it must've been a bear or sumthin'!" Demo wiped the sweat that had gathered on his brow as he coughed and wheezed.

"It didn't look like no bear to me, man!" Scout stretched his back out as he looked into the hazy clearing of the forest hesitantly. "We gotta tell the others about 'dis."

"Yah." Demoman agreed, nodding grimly. "Wait, who took the shot?"

"What?" Scout turned to look at him.

"Somebody shot that thing when it was chasin' us! Who could it have-"

"CRIKEY!"

Sniper's panicked voice was heard as he came stumbling out of the woods, clutching his rifle in his hands as he hurried to the two. "Good god, that thing is big!"

"Snipes!" Scout grinned at the sight of his friend. "You shot that monster!?"

"Yep. I was perched in a tree and I saw ya two runnin' like jackrabbits." Sniper chuckled as he placed his gun on his back. "But eh, jokes aside, I don't think I killed the thing."

"You didn't?" Scout cried, suddenly fearful again. "WHY?"

"I shot it in the shoulder. It was breathin' when I took a good look at it while I was runnin' after you guys. It's just passed out for now." Sniper walked up the steps of the base, opening the door. "We gotta call a meetin', right now. And get a ceasefire. The base needs to be put under a lockdown."

"Right." Scout said, hurrying up the steps.

"I'll let Solly and Engie know." Demoman made his way into the base after Scout, thanking Sniper for the info.

"Damn BigFoot lookin' bastard.." Sniper growled as he headed off to find his BF. Shit had gotten even shittier than before.

\------

"Mmhh mmhmp mmhm!?"

"No Pyro, we didn't see BigFoot," Scout was telling his masked clad teammate beside him. He shuddered. "It sure did look like 'em, though."

"Mmmh..." Pyro mumbled incoherently, "Mmhpm mhhm mmh mmph?"

Scout shook his head. "Nah. We weren't on no drugs, it was freakin' REAL, I tell you! You don't believe me?"

"Mmhh mmmph mmhm!" Pyro said, shaking his head and gesturing with his hands like he was using a camera.

"Oh I'm sorry that we didn't have one on us. We were too busy runnin' for our damn lives!" Scout growled, before calming himself down and rubbing his forehead with a bandaged palm. "Sorry, man. It-it just...it was spooky, ya know?"

"Mmmph..mmh mmp." Pyro apologized, his tone sounding sincere. Scout smiled.

"Thanks pal."

"Mmmph!"

"How are you doing, mon fils?" Spy asked, having entered the meeting room a second ago. "I heard you and Demoman were almost attacked."

"Yeah, but not by the BLU's. It was this giant ass BigFoot imposter, but it wasn't BigFoot! It was, like, some kinda hybrid or somethin'." Scout frowned. "It was freaky."

"Hm. And it got shot by Sniper, and it is still alive." Spy stroked his chin thoughtfully. "So it could still come after us."

"Yup." Scout grunted, facepalming with both hands. "We're totally screwed."

"Don't be so negative, Scout," Medic spike up from the other end of the table. "We still have zhe respawn, so death isn't an issue. And also, we are mercenaries. We have handled many scary and strange things in zhe past. Vhat makes zhis so different?"

"You weren't there, doc! You didn't see what it looked like!" Scout exclaimed, suddenly getting all riled up. "It's different because it could actually do a lot of damage, that's why!"

"Calm yourself." Spy hushed his son, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Jermey, we will get all of zis sorted out as soon as we can. But you must remain calm."

"How the hell can we stay calm when there's a MONSTER out there?!" Scout cried, slapping Spy's hand away and angrily crossing his arms. "God."

"Just take it easy. Listen to ya father, yeh? Let's get to the meetin' room." Demoman said calmly, walking past the irritated young man with his scrumpy in hand.

"Yes, come." Spy gave Scout that 'listen to me' look, and Scout sighed, getting up from his chair.

"Fine, fine."

Spy smirked. "Good boy."

"Shaddup."

\--- --- -- --

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S A BIGFOOT OUTSIDE THE BASE?!" Soldier screamed, making Demo, Pyro and Scout jump in the air with his loud voice.

Engineer gently placed both hands on his lover's shoulders and put him back in his seat. "Now calm down, Solly. Sniper didn't say BigFoot. He just said a 'Giant Hairy Bugger'."

"That sounds like BigFoot to me!" Soldier said, still not understanding.

"Geez, what an idiot. Thinkin' that thing is BigFoot." Scout rolled his eyes and scoffed. Spy glared at him but didn't say anything.

"So uhh, anyway," Sniper continued awkwardly, "Me, Scout And Demo saw it out there. I shot it, in the shoulder, so it's still alive."

"Wonderful." Medic muttered to himself.

"What will we do then?" Heavy spoke up, "We destroy hairy beast?"

"That's really the only other choice we got. We can't let it attack anybody." Sniper shrugged.

"The RESPAWN still works though. So if anybody dies we'll be fine. What're you so worried about?" Scout asked, flabbergasted.

"Zhe RESPAWN system shuts down at midnight, Scout." Medic explained to him. "I zhought you already knew about zhat."

"No. I never read the guidebook when I joined the team." Scout looked down, biting his lip. "Oh, shit."

"Yup." Sniper nodded. "If we die by that thing out there at night, we die for good."

"If we do, we will go out like MEN!" Soldier proudly barked, slamming his fist onto the table, making it shake. "We're not a bunch of pussies, we are MERCENARIES! And damn it all, if we can destroy that thing, WE WILL!"

"Hell yeah!"

"I agree."

"MMHH MMMP!" (YEEE)

"Wooo, yeah, you got it, Sol!"

"YEH, BOY!"

"DA!"

"Vhait, vhait," Medic raised his hands. "You all are getting ahead of yourselves here. Yes, we are mercenaries, but we also must be careful about zhis. I suggest we attack it in broad daylight, during zhe day."

"Coward." Scout snickered quietly, stopping with an 'OW!" when Spy hit him on the top of his head.

"Hush, Little Scout." Heavy shot arrows with his eyes at the boy angrily.

"As I was saying..." Medic coughed. "We vhill find zhe beast, kill it, and go back to our lives as normal. Ja?"

"YOU GOT IT, MAGGOT!"

"Whatever."

"I agree. A second time."

"DA, DOKTOR!"

"Right on, mate! Let's catch that wanker!"

"MMMPPH MMMH!!" (FUCK YA BOY)

"AYYYEEE YEAH!!!"

"Whoooohee YEAH!"

\-------


End file.
